Contemplating...

Lately, perhaps due to the changing weather, I've been contemplating about my life--- what am I now, what happens with my career, how am I as a wife, and what's in store for me in the future.


1. What Am I Now?

I am Mrs. Marjorie Jayne Pacis-Villamar, Mark Johnson's loving wife. That's how I only see myself, nothing more. Even the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Ricardo Pacis and an older sister to Ricky Jay and Neil Joseph, I don't see myself as those anymore. 

Oh yes, since I got married, I decided to relocate with my husband and leave the old me. I wanted to start all over again with my husband and begin building our own family. That's what I simply wanted--- to be the best wife and to be a mother soon. 

But why do I feel like I am a loser? Because I hate to hear comparisons of me with my friends from the people I truly love. Because I don't have a job while my friends are starting to delve into their own careers and get successful, I can't help but to feel hurt when someone is comparing me to them. Though, I deeply know that I am blessed with my husband, with my family, with my marriage, but why there is a sudden feel that I'm no more competitive???

2. What Happens With My Career? 

Since I was a child, many people expected me to be a winner at all times. I never ran away without putting up a good fight because I always want to win. Though I was always the second best in class, people still believe in me especially my family and our family friends.

I was born to be a leader. I never failed to be running in the student council and I never failed to be part of the class officers. That's why people really perceive me as a strong person.

But lately, I'm always asking myself-- if I am always the winner and the leader before, then what happens to me now? What happens with my career? Nowadays, having a stable career has been the measure of success in life. For the past 5 years, my career wasn't that "stable". I've always believed that Communication Arts is a "jack-of-all-trade." Yes, it is, but as what one of my interviewers told me, it's a "master-of-nothing"--- and that's what I've proven now. I may be flexible, but as I browse the Jobstreet, I don't know what specialization I do fit in.

When I resigned in Yellow Cab, many reacted because they so much believed that I got one of the best jobs. Actually, it was my dream job--- a cool boss, a stress-less environment, lots of travel opportunities, plenty of field works, opportunity to meet and greet different well-known personalities in the food business, and the works. However, staying longer entitles me to sacrifice my marriage so even if it breaks my heart, I decided to leave it.

And now, what's going on with my career? It's so hard for me to back on track again. I'm torn with what I will do in my life-- doing a business of my own, be employed in Manila, jobhunt abroad, or be back in school to get my masters. I don't feel to be competitive anymore, and that's what hurts most.

3. How Am I As A Wife?

If I were to rate myself as a wife, I think it's playing between 5 and 8. Sometimes 5 because the "Juan Tamad" in me is at work. Due to the bed weather here in Baguio, all I wanted is to stay in bed, grab my tablet and surf the internet all day. I'm no more productive. But rarely, there are days when I really grade myself with 8 because my husband can't stop me from cooking and cleaning the house. There are times that I'll surprise him with my undying tuna pesto or a house that is super clean that he can't even walk around to avoid messing up the floor.

But seriously, I believe that I've been doing good for the past 9 months of our marriage. We never had a serious fight and the fact that I left everything for him, I think that's truly enough for me to be labeled as a "good" wife.

4. What's In Store For Me In The Future?

Only God knows. I was the type of person who plans my future but I then realize that it's only God who knows and plans my future ahead. As long as I know that my husband loves me and won't let me down, I'm okay with that.

A career and a baby will be the greatest bonus if God gives them to me :-) 

Note to self: Marj, you just have to be positive. No one could tear nor break you apart because you are strong. You are a born-fighter so just fight and never entertain negative thoughts. If any one will bring you down, disconnect with him/her and make him/her feel his lost :-)

 

 

Thoughts on a Plastic

On recent happenings about our nation, some cities have already launched their NO TO PLASTIC projects wherein there is a total plastic ban in the whole area. This is to help save our Mother Earth from the worsening effect of climate change.

On a personal note, I wanna focus this write-up about "plastic" people. Admittedly, they are overly scattered just everywhere. Their population is growing and they're unstoppable. And oops... You might not know it, most in your facebook friend's list are PLASTIC. Most of them just added you to source for information to feed their bitterness. Some might just added you to see your daily updates for them to talk about and laugh at.


But the point is, why are there plastic people? I won't be hypocrite but sometimes there are situations asking me to be one of them in order to avoid hurting others. People sometimes tend to be plastic because it's their only option not to be rude to a certain person. Like if an irritating person approaches you and tries to be close to you, your only choice is to struggle to be as nice as you can be to avoid snobbing and ignoring him/her that will surely hurt him/her.


But come on, there are really people who's being plastic is so innate in them. They pretend to be friends with you for their selfish reasons---- and that's what hurts you most. For the longest time you thought that your friendship is genuine then suddenly you'll learn that they are just using you either for them to get something or for them to be perceived as good because they are friends with you :-(

Disclaimer: This blog was created last July 01, 2011 and posted only now. 

Testing

It's been months since my last entry in this site, and I honestly miss the fulfilment of being able to write and express my thoughts. Since I resigned from my job, I lost track of the latest gadgets and "in" in the world of technology. Lucky me that just last month, husband gave me this Samsung Galaxy Tab P1000. My heart jumped for joy for this wonderful gift. I've tried the site at once but it's only now that I figured out how to post a blog using my tab. Thanks God coz now I'll be able to update it once in a while:-)